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Georgia Hands Free Breaking News!

Jul 19, 2018


Well, we're a couple of weeks into this experiment called democracy, so let's see where we're at with the Georgia Hands Free Law.

GA Hands Free Law Causes Brawl at Applebees

Oh, my! That's a shame. Hopefully, as people get used to it, these incidents will occur less often. Let's not allow one bad Applebee's to spoil the whole bunch.

I went for my first walk around the 'hood since the GAHFL passed and observed the behavior of drivers firsthand, and I think the new law is working because less than 70% of drivers I observed are messing around with their phones. It used to be more than 70%, so that's down significantly. Way to go Georgia!!!


What the GA Hands Free Law is clearly not going to do is speed up traffic. Oh No! And realistically, how can it? 

Just because you have to put your phone on the hook now, doesn't mean you're gonna stop looking at it. In fact since getting my Hands Free Vent Mounted Clip, I probably look at it more.

So traffic is not going to speed up anytime soon. You're still gonna miss lights even though you are only 3 cars back.

And of the people who are not looking at their phone while driving, most of them are in such a daze worrying about what's going on in their phone when they're not looking at it. 

I also expect to see an increase in the time it takes for a person to leave a parking space, so they can check all the emails before the long 3 mile journey home from the store.

Most women I know, when they're out of the car, effectively operate their lives one-handed. They already have poor upper body strength due to estrogen, yet choose to weaken themselves further by clutching their phones in one hand at all times.

The GA HFL forces that phone out of their hands, and when they park, they grab that phone like a mother and child reunited at the border, and never let go. If today's moms held their kids like they do their phones, there would be less poverty and violence, that I can assure you.

Sometimes this increased attention to the phone can be beneficial. Today, The Left Arrow turned Green for me. But I didn't notice it right away because I was catching up on the latest #QANON decodes.

It was fortunate, because when I looked up at the intersection, a big F-350 Duelly just ran right through the red light at reading speed.

This collision surely would have injured me for life at a minimum, had I not been looking at #QANON at the time, and paying attention as the Deep State compels me to do, praise KEK! WWG1WGA!

And I thank you!