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FACT: 2018 Equals 11.

Jan 5, 2018

As I’ve said, my goal, for 2018, is to eat more avocados. 

I’ve even purchased some avocado facial mask that you spread on and then wash off after an interval of time.
 
Yes, avocados and more turmeric. 
The turmeric was my 2017 solemn vow to God. 
Turmeric is an Indian-based spice that is supposed to prevent inflammation and cancer. 
I have a little inflammation, but no cancer. 
 
A friend of mine said to me, “Well, if the American Cancer Society doesn’t recommend it, I’m out.”
I said, “What in the world makes you think the American Cancer Society is AGAINST cancer?”
 
The truth is, the name of the organization is the American CANCER Society. 
NOT the American ANTI-Cancer Society. 
How are we so sure that the American Cancer Society wants to eradicate cancer? 
 
If I were running the American Cancer Society, I’d have a salary in the millions
I would have jet planes at my disposal to meet with powerful people and celebrities.
And if cancer is cured, my gravy train could be derailed.
I sure as hell wouldn’t be so staunchly anti-cancer. 
 
I’d see turmeric as a threat to my cozy little arrangement. 
As long as there’s still cancer, I have a bright future filled with cash. 
No fuckin’ way in hell do I recommend turmeric to the citizens at risk for cancer. 
Fuck ‘em.
 
The cancer I’m trying most to avoid is testicular. 
That’s where my personal cancer focus is these days. 
Trying to avoid testicular cancer over all the others. 
That one seems to be the worst to me. 
 
My reasoning is that there may come a time in the future, when society may need more of me.
As long as my balls are healthy, I can contribute to the creation of new Larrys. 
Even if I get brain cancer or heart cancer, I can still reproduce and contribute.
Also, I think for my 75th birthday I want to get a girl pregnant.
 
All you WACHS wanna-bees, and I know you’re out there.
Take heed. More avocados and turmeric in 2018.
 
Shalom and Peteetong!
 
And I thank you.
 
Larry WACHS